It’s been a while since I updated (again, boo) so thought I would give my blog some TLC. Wrote this last night listening to the smooth sounds of Norah Jones, I’m happy with the words and stuff so hope you guys like it!
I wanted to get down in words how I’m feeling so I sat beneath the stars on my own and lit a candle, thinking of a walk on a cloudy day with none other than your hand in mine – the thought was sweet and quenched my thirst briefly until the polar, true thought of never having known you swelled in my brain and again I’m alone beneath the stars with a flicker of fire as my only company.
I wanted to forget you so I drank a lot and danced all night and nearly had fun except every time I paused for a cigarette or adjusted my top’s strap which kept falling down I would think of you and wanted you to be there, until I remembered you can’t forget someone who never really existed in your world, and you can’t miss someone you never had only dreamed of having.
I wanted to kiss you so I dreamed about it every night because no one can see my dreams, they’re just for you, but it’s difficult to control dreams and I kept dreaming about falling over because my shoelaces turned into snakes that bit my ankles. The closest I got to having a dream about kissing you was when I had a midday nap on a Sunday and I dreamt that I kissed Mila Kunis and she has brown hair and you have brown hair so that’s kind of close I guess but anyway I quickly realised dreaming about kissing you will never be as good as what I imagine the real thing to be so that didn’t work.
I wanted to exist in your world, briefly, fleetingly, mysteriously but social media scares me and I think it scares you more because I can’t find you anywhere. It doesn’t matter though because even if I had the opportunity to make a pair of footsteps in your universe I wouldn’t be able to do it because my left foot is bigger than my right foot and it’s embarrassing and I don’t want you to discover that until you’re well and truly (hopefully unlikely maybe one day) falling in love with me.
I wanted to take back my heart so I decided to kiss a boy to see how it felt but when I got the chance I chickened out because what if I didn’t like it and what if the boy did and wanted to do it again? I’d rather just be on my own thank you plus kissing is gross unless you really like the person or they’re Mila Kunis so I may as well wait it out.
I wanted to feel connected to you so I looked at the moon every night for a few minutes and hoped that maybe across the world somewhere you were also looking at the moon and for a brief period of time we would have at least that in common.
I wanted to be with you but I knew it couldn’t happen, not without a lot of legwork, and doing all this shit has taken up a lot of time so I promise I’ll stop wanting things for the sake of wanting and I’ll meet you halfway – it’d be nice to see you when I get there. Maybe even grab a drink.